This week I returned to work after 54 weeks away! I had been advised in the early part of the year that my company were going through some significant changes, and to be honest this hadn't sat comfortably with me. Since then I had had a few more meetings, but it seemed that everything had changed.
My anxiety relating returning to work has been quite overpowering, and possibly irrational. I had many sleepless nights, and outbursts in floods of tears. I hate the unknown! I hate change! Plus I was having to leave my babies for the first time.
The first day I left the boys I handled it surprisingly well, but day two I sobbed all the way to work. The boys knew what was happening, and clearly didn't want me to go (nor did I). I wish we were in a financial situation where I didn't have to work, and I could be there everyday to witness every milestone. Instead I have to cherish my days off with them even more.
Everyone has been so welcoming in the office, and I slotted back in really easily. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm bored. I used to running around like a headless chicken all day, and now I'm stuck behind a desk for 8 hours. My role has changed so much, and it's not the role I loved and left behind. I feel demoted. Does everyone that goes on maternity leave feel like they penalised for their time off when they return?
Hey... I hope one day I win the lottery and I can spend everyday with my babies. But for now I guess I'll have to grin and bare it, to pay the bills😁